Last night I was talking to someone who happens to be so very special to me & we have shared so many things with each other. Personally I have told her more about me than any living person & she has slowly opened herself up to me more & more.
I'm glad that she's been able to open up and discuss things with me as it has so many benefits & can in fact make life far more bearable. The things we've talked about are both deep & personal and this isn't the reason I'm writing this.
Anyway to the weird point... we both had dreams last nigth and it seems that last night we had some sort of mental bond because we both sort of had the same dream... even the details seemed the same... I didn't finish mine as my alarm woke me out of my sleep - but she finished her dream and said it was very detailed. Mine was too what I can remember but again I think we will share that ourselves.... :)
The weird fact is that we both had the same dream and had good days while still remembering the dream...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Pain...
We all suffer it in one form or another... some live a life filled with physical or mental pain & end up looking for a ways to block this pain out. I have many pains myself and sometimes I can simply block the physical and mental out, I sometimes struggle with both at once.
It takes a lot of strength to deal with certain pains and some deeper pains can be all enveloping if they aren't kept in check. I've got deep life long scars, both mental and physical. I have dealt with some over many years, others only a few short months these new pains are taking some getting used to as well.
If you throw emotional aspects in there then it gets more tense and complex, these things have triggers and some are as simple as a sound or a smell. I can't smell strong scented lavender without thinking about an ex-girlfriend but I love the smell too... I can't go past a certain point locally without remembering the horror of lives lost. I had trouble visiting an aunt as her house used to be an old church, one very particular one & I had nightmares whenever there.. I of course had a fair bit of trouble sleeping and rarely slept well while at their place.
Physical pain I feel is easier to block out because you are able to come accustomed to it. You can actually control the nerves that send the pain message out, that is what pain tablets actually do... yet you can do it with lots of practice and that is something I've had but even then you will get times when it still hurts and catches you off guard. That's coz what you are blocking is the normal pain so any extra pain can get thru.
I've never been good at controlling emotional pain and over the last few years I've found that as a person I've become more emotional and that has made me more and more vulnerable to the emotional pain.
It takes a lot of strength to deal with certain pains and some deeper pains can be all enveloping if they aren't kept in check. I've got deep life long scars, both mental and physical. I have dealt with some over many years, others only a few short months these new pains are taking some getting used to as well.
If you throw emotional aspects in there then it gets more tense and complex, these things have triggers and some are as simple as a sound or a smell. I can't smell strong scented lavender without thinking about an ex-girlfriend but I love the smell too... I can't go past a certain point locally without remembering the horror of lives lost. I had trouble visiting an aunt as her house used to be an old church, one very particular one & I had nightmares whenever there.. I of course had a fair bit of trouble sleeping and rarely slept well while at their place.
Physical pain I feel is easier to block out because you are able to come accustomed to it. You can actually control the nerves that send the pain message out, that is what pain tablets actually do... yet you can do it with lots of practice and that is something I've had but even then you will get times when it still hurts and catches you off guard. That's coz what you are blocking is the normal pain so any extra pain can get thru.
I've never been good at controlling emotional pain and over the last few years I've found that as a person I've become more emotional and that has made me more and more vulnerable to the emotional pain.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Late nights
I was online and only just checked the time... 12:30am which lately has been a standard get to sleep time. Tonight I wanted to be up so that I could talk with someone special but I almost went to sleep a couple times at my laptop coz she wasn't online. I was just about to go when a friend of hers came on.
Now we (the friend n me ) are talking about all sorts of random things... It was also when I found out that my special someone was at her friends... which is cool too but to be honest I would've much rathered be there with them playing PlayStation etc. I am to be honest a bit envious as I can tell that they are having a ball there while I'm home laying in bed feeling a little alone and a bit left out. That's because it seems that I have no real life to speak of that's why I happen to be here at all hours.
I really don't feel tired but that's normal when a specific person is involved.. for some reason time stands still & I find this extra energy .... I think she is the source as thinking of her helps me get thru long boring work days. Today more than any I should be tired as now been awake 22 hours without conditioning but I probably will crash pretty hard when I do
Now we (the friend n me ) are talking about all sorts of random things... It was also when I found out that my special someone was at her friends... which is cool too but to be honest I would've much rathered be there with them playing PlayStation etc. I am to be honest a bit envious as I can tell that they are having a ball there while I'm home laying in bed feeling a little alone and a bit left out. That's because it seems that I have no real life to speak of that's why I happen to be here at all hours.
I really don't feel tired but that's normal when a specific person is involved.. for some reason time stands still & I find this extra energy .... I think she is the source as thinking of her helps me get thru long boring work days. Today more than any I should be tired as now been awake 22 hours without conditioning but I probably will crash pretty hard when I do
Friday, October 2, 2009
Isn't it weird...
Ok right now here it's 4:32 in the morning & I'm wide awake all because I was woken up by my brother... silly thing is he could easily have left me a message or something but NO..... he had to wake me & tell me. So now I'm laying warm & snug in my bed all alone (apart from this big brown Taz teddy bear) thinking of someone I care so very much about because they are so amazing. Of course she also happens to be awake now which is quite strange in itself.
I'm smiling as I think of her lovely silken brown hair with the bits of red mixed thru it... her sweet big brown puppy dog eyes that are so soft and caring... but most of all I see her gorgeous smile which is enough to melt my heart every time I see it. I know she once said she loved me, which is something she doesn't say lightly or too often... I also know that she still cares for me far more than she is letting on because I know that she still has many secrets that she still hasn't fully trusted me with.
I may have lost some of that trust recently because I went thru a very bad patch & eneded up hurting her... worst of all was the fact I ended up doubting her.. when I would easily put my life in her hands because I trust her that much. I've only ever trusted 1 person more than her and that's myself, I did trust someone else almost as much as her.... that person destroyed my trust & now is dead to me ... officially as of right now,
I'm smiling as I think of her lovely silken brown hair with the bits of red mixed thru it... her sweet big brown puppy dog eyes that are so soft and caring... but most of all I see her gorgeous smile which is enough to melt my heart every time I see it. I know she once said she loved me, which is something she doesn't say lightly or too often... I also know that she still cares for me far more than she is letting on because I know that she still has many secrets that she still hasn't fully trusted me with.
I may have lost some of that trust recently because I went thru a very bad patch & eneded up hurting her... worst of all was the fact I ended up doubting her.. when I would easily put my life in her hands because I trust her that much. I've only ever trusted 1 person more than her and that's myself, I did trust someone else almost as much as her.... that person destroyed my trust & now is dead to me ... officially as of right now,
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Dragons are such amazing and wonderful creatures, this image is taken from an illustrated version of J.R.R. Tolkein's classic novel 'The Hobbit' the story that predates the Lord of the Rings Trilogy......
Personally I really enjoy the symbology and mythology behind these creatures... along with Dragons of course I like stories about Vampires and Werewolves .... and before you ask yes I have read the Twilight Saga books.
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