Wednesday, November 25, 2009

quiet contemplation... yet again...

Many people who know me understand that I tend to spend a lot of time in thought, probably because my life has so very much going on within it that sometimes I need to step back and think about the path I am taking before I find myself moving down a dead end street.

I've had much in my life to think about and contemplate but lately the past isn't really something I've been looking at it has in fact been the future.  I know that what I feel for some people in my life isn't what they feel for me and there are some who only care because it gets them something they don't have. Lately I've been evaluating the importance of those I have in my life and have decided that it's time to start looking more at what is best for me and not just everyone in my life.

There are only a handful of people whom I feel are worthy of true friendship and these people are those I trust and respect more than anything. One of them means more to me than anyone who isn't family has ever before and to be honest I've never felt the level of comfort or contentment that I do when I talk to her that I have with anyone.  I also have never felt as lost as I do when she's not about, this is something I never expected to feel because the last time I felt these things I was engaged and even then they weren't this strong.

I will admit it scares and worries me at times because I've got no control over this part of my life, I am at the mercy of my emotions and that's truly something I don't enjoy.  I know that she reads these & I'm sure that at times she wants to say stuff but doesn't know how.  Honestly if she wants to say something, all that is needed is a text or an e-mail and I'm sure of one thing.  She has never once let me down or done anything that's made me care about her less, if anything I've let her down and not been there for her when she has needed me the most and I should be shot for that.

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