Friday, September 4, 2009

I've been thinking...

and the more I look at things from this angle & that I find I see some interesting things especially when I look at the thing you've said in relation to this guy & that guy. I can't lie to you & I never could or would. In each of those people I've noticed they share attributes with me, I know that it may be just my perspective but things they did for you that you remember arew things I said that I'd do just for you.

I continue to be here for you, I've been here for you now for a couple years, I guess you could say I've been a big part of your life. It was my intervention that got 'R' to get you away from 'B'. I told her to do it as even then I could sense something very special about you. The more we talked, the more I found myself being drawn to you. The night 'R' got you away from 'B' was the very first night I knew how important to me you were. I couldn't stand what was happening and had to act, being this far away all I could do was send 'R' there.

For the time after that we talked more and more and I know that grew our bond, a bond I don't think has been broken, merely stretched so bad. I know that during that time 'B' worked hard to break us, that resulted in him saying those lies & faking conversations. He really hurt you with all that & you not trusting me was one of the things that pushed me back into that old darkness. In that place I was so lost and scared and got help to find my way out but I needed to take a step back so that I didn't hurt you.

I now realise me stepping back probably made you think 'B' was right, he lied and I can still not say the words he says I did. I still feel as strongly for you now as I did then, I have tried to be there for you all the time and comfort you and be your friend because that is something I feel I need to do. I also think that the guys you've been with all have some attribute that is also mine and I think that is coz you've been trying to find me there.. in them.

I know you still care coz you got 'R' to message me when my computer died and I had the phone trouble. We still talk a lot like nothing changed, in that we can just sit n talk for ages about all sorts of random stuff. I have helped you with things and you've helped me with some of my own too yet I still owe you a lot more help. I also remember a promise I made to you about the hugs n kisses - that tally still remains uncollected, and I would love to pay them to you... over a lifetime.

Sorry I know that makes you uncomfortable and I think I know why - because you still have strong feelings that you've been trying to stop. I have tried that myself and keep finding it so hard as well because I can't think of my life without you as part of it. If you think different then please let me know ok, because as I feel now you're fighting what you feel like I have been.

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