Tuesday, December 15, 2009

what we sometimes go through.... (edited)

You hear this person saying that they would take a bullet for a friend, while another says they would rather the friend get hit.  This simple thing is something that can tell us who we value and who we don't really place much value on.  Generally we will take a bullet for family members but not everyone of them - this is because even though they are important they are seemingly not worth the risk.

Those outside our families that we trust and consider to be almost like family are generally placed ahead of some family members which will always upset the family members,  but really it isn't a decision they can make.  I have a couple friends like that and to be honest after spending a considerable time in the Military I can easily tell who I would risk my own life to save some of them.

Different situations also call for different measures and approaches, sometimes being soft and subtle is far more effective that coming in blasting with both barrels so to speak.  I like to always go out of my way to try and help those I value as friends and more than that because I personally know the value of good friends who care about you and help you through your tough times.  I have had my tough times before and you could easily say that I have been to hell and back a few times, with some times being harder and more demanding than others.

Lately I've been talking to one very particualr special friend and she had issues with her man. These issues were not her fault, however they did upset her and made her feel like she'd done something wrong. Even worse was the fact that she began to feel that her man no longer cared about her. He failed to really listen to her and appreciate her feelings on many things and when she approached him on some of these he just brushed her off.  He had her upset and to be honest I didn't like what he was doing to her.

I know she deserves better treatment than that and if I was that kind of person I would want to steal her away from him.  I'm not the type to knowingly do that and have never really done that before. If I did steal someone's lady I wasn't aware I was doing it becaue I have been hurt when a girl left me for someone else and I don't think I could take a lady from a safe stable relationship.  The key here is SAFE and STABLE, if there is violence toward a friend then it isn't really safe is it.

I spoke with my friend a couple of weeks after this and she had broken up with her man because she was tired of his seemingly bland approach to her and she needed more attention to keep her feeling she was wanted.  I felt conflicted by this because I felt I was partly responsible for her making the decision. I was sad that her relationship had ended but I was glad too because she was visibly happier now too.

She late talked about an old flame, the guy I don't reallt like because he was abusive however she says he has changed & I know she never stopped caring about him as he was really her first true love.  I do hope he is a better person, I am still somewhat concerned as there are a few things that do bother me & the main thing is the fact he was a very controlling & jealous person.  I will continue to worry about her knowing the past history they share, but I trust her judgement above all else & if she is happy then I am ok with it.

Personally I have been in some strong relationships that have fallen apart badly, the worst of these was my engagement to a lady whom I thought was the one lady for me.  I was wrong as she found herself a new man & even got herself pregnant to him whilst still engaged to me.  I was unaware of this & away with work on a semi-regular basis (you get that with military service).  On one of my times away she packed up & left leaving no note or explanation as to why.

Before I left for this trip however I had found out she was pregnant & asked her why she didn't tell me, her response was that she wanted to be sure first.  I had known something was up medically for a couple weeks but had no idea what it was.  Naturally she told me the child was mine & she was still waiting to verify dates etc. - reluctantly I went on my trip and with a week to go as I usually did I made sure she knew when I would be home, I phoned & got no answer.

To cut it short, I arrived home to find her stuff gone as well as some of 'our' stuff as well, but what really added to the pain was the fact she took a few of my most prized possessions which to this day I haven't been able to replace.  I've looked for a decade now & each time I think I'm close I find it isn't what I'm really after.  Recently I decided it was best to let them go as I found each time I got close I would think more of her too & that wasn't good.  Now I have some new ones with new memories to fill that hole.

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