Monday, October 12, 2009

more words on LOVE

Love is one thing we go through our lives seeking and working so hard to find sometimes that we can manage to miss it sitting right under our noses.  Same as some people don't believe in True Love or Love At First Sight... I think they both exist but are very rare things.

I once was in love with a lady that I thought was a lovely wonderful person and my dream woman. We even got engaged and things seemed perfect for us, but it was a charade and my dream became a living nightmare.  I suffered greatly from that relationship and it almost destroyed my trust in not only women but my judgement and even love itself.  I needed extensive counselling to get my trust back and my confidence too.

I'd dated off and on but always seemed to have an ability for picking women who only loved me for the convenience of it and not for a real love.  Since my engagement went sour I have dated all sorts of women and the one who seemed to understand me the most was a recent ex-girlfriend who turned very nasty and vindictive last year.  This attack was rather hurtful and directed at my engagement, my relationship with her and my budding relationship with the most amazing woman I've ever known.

The remarks were about my engagement and the fact my ex-girlfriend had been cheating for several months before she left me... she managed to use her job and family for her excuses and it was this fact that she used to great effect. As her aim was to destabilise my growing confidence and mental strength so that it had an impact on a budding relationship.... As it turned out my ex must've had the same thoughts as the ex of my lady friend who managed to also upset her state of mind with a series of fake conversations he said he'd had with me.

He upset her deeply and as a result I became upset and even more vulnerable to attacks from my ex who kept bombarding me with a wide range of things. My new lady was hurt and that upset me only stressing me more and eventually the dam broke open... all my old wounds had been slightly opened and I now felt like my world was crashing rapidly around my ears because this person I had found was far more amazing than the lady who turned a 'dream' engagement into a nightmare.

This new lady had something about her that I couldn't put my finger on but the more I spoke with her the more and more I began to fall in love with her.  I will admit I love her more deeply than anyone else I'd ever been involved with. The love and emotion I feel now are the same ones I felt when she hurt herself because I love her with all my heart and probably will ...

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