Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I have had a very interesting day today....

Yesterday I was hurting and filled with this uncontrollable pain that I guess I really brought on myself and I unfortunately wasn't my normal self and that meant I didn't think straight and said some things that I know were uncalled for and hurt someone very important to me, someone I love I just hope that I can be forgiven for that.

I still am extremely angry at myself for what happened and I could give her everything I own (including my own life) for an eternity and it wouldn't be enough to repay the hurt and anguish I caused her with my thoughtless words and actions. She is the most caring, thoughtful and beautiful person I have ever known and the pain I feel from hurting her is far greater than any other physical pain I have endured in my lifetime.

It was an exceptionally nice day with lovely warm weather, and I guess that is why I wanted so much to be able to spend it with her as only a small part of my apology that I still feel I need to make so as to repay my debt to her for the hurt and pain I allowed her to suffer. A pain I had sworn never to submit her to, and that is another reason why I am so very mad at myself.

I broke a promise to her, I caused her to be upset and I feel like I am a lesser person for that. Her forgiving nature and humility continue to amaze me and as usual her actions inspire me and make me even more and more proud of her.

When I first came across her several years ago there was something that told me this lovely lady was a very special person and the more I have gotten to know her the more and more I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper for her. There are times when she seems to be a kindred spirit who I feel I belong with this does get clouded and distorted by the pain and evils within my past and the fact she understands and forgives me for all my misgivings makes her even more special,

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