Looking back this time last year I was a complete mess and things I had planned and desired had fallen down around my ears leaving me feeling lost, empty and somewhat alone. Sure I had my family but that was all I really seemed to have as my friends seemingly deserted me like rats running from a sinking ship.
So for me 2009 started not so good and I guess it seemed to just plod quietly along for a couple months not really going here or there, then in April something happened that changed my world forever. An accident at work took a small portion of my right index finger and that small accident has had ramifications throughout my life since. The accident resulted in a partial amputation and the resultant surgery took about 3 months to get fully over. The finger itself I feel hasn't yet quite fully recovered because even today it sometimes aches severely.
Anyway enough of the negatives as like all good things there is a balance of good and bad - Yin and Yang you could say. That one good spark throughout all this time has been the lovely support and help of a truly amazing friend. When I have felt the lowest and darkest I could feel it was their smile and compassion that brought me back from the brink each time. They have helped me when nobody else seemed to care and they have been there to listen to me tell of my many bad experiences in life.
I honestly hope that I have been there and helped them through their rough times, as I too know they have had them - sometimes though they have held back and I know they've done this for fear of upsetting me. To be totally honest what upsets me is the fact my friend still hasn't got sufficient faith in me. Having spent time in the military I have learnt a few things about character & for this friend if it came down to it I would give my life to save theirs.
The best thing in my life this past year, or more accurately this last 3 years has been just one person and I am sure by this they will know exactly who they are.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The Phoenix Rises From The Ashes.... part 2...
The new energy I have is a bit hard to explain, but I guess to me it is like when you're in a dark room or something and you turn the light on ... that single light is the energy and it removes any of the darkness that surrounds me.
I've a new positive energy and a new positive vibe and to be honest I think one of that catalysts behind this has been one person, a good friend and she is always amazing to me. The one thing that has been constant for me is the fact this person has been such a big part of my life over the past 3 years now and each time something bad has happened the one person who managed to make everything seem ok or even less horrible was her.
I guess she has come a long way in 3 years too, a lot further than I think she could've imagined when we first met and I know I am a much better person for having known her too. To be honest I think she is the reason behind this new found drive, faith and vigor. I also hope that her life is better because I am there for her when she needs me.
I've a new positive energy and a new positive vibe and to be honest I think one of that catalysts behind this has been one person, a good friend and she is always amazing to me. The one thing that has been constant for me is the fact this person has been such a big part of my life over the past 3 years now and each time something bad has happened the one person who managed to make everything seem ok or even less horrible was her.
I guess she has come a long way in 3 years too, a lot further than I think she could've imagined when we first met and I know I am a much better person for having known her too. To be honest I think she is the reason behind this new found drive, faith and vigor. I also hope that her life is better because I am there for her when she needs me.
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Phoenix Rises From The Ashes....
Have you ever gone through a really bad run and thought it couldn't get worse only to suddenly have something bad happen to make you think well gee I guess it could. I've been there a few times before but this isn't about that bad things in life, instead it is about rebirth and starting anew. The last few days have been somewhat strange to say the least, I've done a little drawing, a little soul searching and a lot of contemplation.
Having my internal clock out of whack has meant I've been awake late at night with few people around but my own thoughts and this has normally been such a bad thing for me because I usually find bad memories which corrupt my good thoughts. The funny thing is the other day I wasn't feeling the best and to be honest all the food I ate that day I could hold in my hand, I did however drink a rather large volume of liquid. This included milk, carbonated beverages, juices and water. After that rather ill stint I felt somewhat drained and listless for a day and needed to really rest as well.
Having been so lacking in motivation and energy one could easily pass me off as dead... but now I am full of energy and life once more hence the symbolism of the Phoenix, it dies in the fire only to be reborn from the ashes of what remains. Today for example I got myself up a bit late had some breakfast did some cleaning watched some TV, did some more cleaning, played a game on my computer and did even more cleaning and then decided to go online to see who was about in the world to talk to.
Unfortunately there wasn't really anybody about to talk to and it was pretty bland and boring so I decided to check up a few sites, look at my profiles here and there and then write a blog - naturally the energy I have is still flowing pretty good and my brain happens to be moving faster than my fingers can type so I am backspacing and retyping a lot. I haven't had this kind of mental drive for a long time, so long in fact that I fail to remember when it was. The good thing about it is the fact that right now I am so calm and relaxed and every tiny bit of energy that is flowing is all good.
I watched a few movies last night, Transformers 2 and Edward Scissorhands, I know they are worlds apart but they share something in common, many people probably are currently scratching their heads thinking I am mad but they both have a positive message about belief. Faith is something that many people pass of as something for religion but I have to agree with a close relative of mine who says that faith is more about self belief than that of a higher being for if there was a God, why does the Bible fail to mention the existence of dinosaurs?
We all have heard of the Arabian Nights, a series of stories from ancient times, stories about Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves or the most famous one of Aladdin. It is becoming more and more apparent that the Bible is just the same as the Arabian Nights, a series of stories from around the Ancient World. This can be even supported by several facts now known to modern man. One is the bible is only set in the Ancient worlds of Rome, Egypt, Syria and the Middle East an area we like to refer to as the cradle of civilisation.
It fails to mention such lands as the Americas, Asia, Australia, Antarctica and a large portion of Europe, it does focus primarily on the Mediterranean Sea and that seems to be it as well.
Ok - I realise I went on a bit of a rant there - had so much energy both mental and physical floating around that it was a little hard to control. But now after a bit of a chill out I think I have myself back in check once more and ready to blog.
Having my internal clock out of whack has meant I've been awake late at night with few people around but my own thoughts and this has normally been such a bad thing for me because I usually find bad memories which corrupt my good thoughts. The funny thing is the other day I wasn't feeling the best and to be honest all the food I ate that day I could hold in my hand, I did however drink a rather large volume of liquid. This included milk, carbonated beverages, juices and water. After that rather ill stint I felt somewhat drained and listless for a day and needed to really rest as well.
Having been so lacking in motivation and energy one could easily pass me off as dead... but now I am full of energy and life once more hence the symbolism of the Phoenix, it dies in the fire only to be reborn from the ashes of what remains. Today for example I got myself up a bit late had some breakfast did some cleaning watched some TV, did some more cleaning, played a game on my computer and did even more cleaning and then decided to go online to see who was about in the world to talk to.
Unfortunately there wasn't really anybody about to talk to and it was pretty bland and boring so I decided to check up a few sites, look at my profiles here and there and then write a blog - naturally the energy I have is still flowing pretty good and my brain happens to be moving faster than my fingers can type so I am backspacing and retyping a lot. I haven't had this kind of mental drive for a long time, so long in fact that I fail to remember when it was. The good thing about it is the fact that right now I am so calm and relaxed and every tiny bit of energy that is flowing is all good.
I watched a few movies last night, Transformers 2 and Edward Scissorhands, I know they are worlds apart but they share something in common, many people probably are currently scratching their heads thinking I am mad but they both have a positive message about belief. Faith is something that many people pass of as something for religion but I have to agree with a close relative of mine who says that faith is more about self belief than that of a higher being for if there was a God, why does the Bible fail to mention the existence of dinosaurs?
We all have heard of the Arabian Nights, a series of stories from ancient times, stories about Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves or the most famous one of Aladdin. It is becoming more and more apparent that the Bible is just the same as the Arabian Nights, a series of stories from around the Ancient World. This can be even supported by several facts now known to modern man. One is the bible is only set in the Ancient worlds of Rome, Egypt, Syria and the Middle East an area we like to refer to as the cradle of civilisation.
It fails to mention such lands as the Americas, Asia, Australia, Antarctica and a large portion of Europe, it does focus primarily on the Mediterranean Sea and that seems to be it as well.
Ok - I realise I went on a bit of a rant there - had so much energy both mental and physical floating around that it was a little hard to control. But now after a bit of a chill out I think I have myself back in check once more and ready to blog.
Broken Promises...
Each year we make a New Years Resolution, in essence a promise to ourselves and many of us break that promise because we don't have the dedication or will power to sustain that promise and when we fail in our quest we effectively break that promise we made to ourselves. The promise may last for a few days, weeks or months but in all we break it mainly because we don't keep reminding ourselves of it.
A friend has come up with a wonderful and novel idea... put your resolution online and then you can remind yourself of it each time thereby enabling you to not lose your resolve or break your promise. I will most likely look at putting my resolution online as well where I can remind myself each week or day that I need to remind myself of what it is I resolve to do.
I have promised myself to get myself physically back on track many times before and each time I have lost motivation and direction whereas this year will be different. I will have the internet and I am sure my friends will help keep me in check this time. I really need to get my fitness back and that will have a snowball effect and help reduce any potential health risks I may be heading for.
The thing is I have seen charts that have what is called a BMI, this is a useful tool however much of the time this tool is infact inaccurate. I have seen professional athletes, with minimal body fat be classified as overweight, that is because the BMI doesn't take into consideration a few simple scientific factors. The main one being that muscle is generally denser and therefore can in fact be heavier than fat. To accurately tell if someone is overweight really some measure of the fat their body has is required.
Enough of that for now as I am losing track of where I was going... we always seem to break our promises be it to ourselves or others and I for one do not like breaking promises - those I make to my friends I don't make lightly others may flippantly say yeah I'll do that - with no intention of really following thru, then when chipped on it they usually remark back that they forgot.
If I put the words "I promise you" to anything then that is something I fully intend to follow up on, because if I break that I break my promise to a friend and that is something I hope I never do because friendship is very important to me, as are a lot of the other relationships we have in our lives. My family and friends are very important to me and they do really mean the world to me.. some naturally are more vital and valuable than others.
A friend has come up with a wonderful and novel idea... put your resolution online and then you can remind yourself of it each time thereby enabling you to not lose your resolve or break your promise. I will most likely look at putting my resolution online as well where I can remind myself each week or day that I need to remind myself of what it is I resolve to do.
I have promised myself to get myself physically back on track many times before and each time I have lost motivation and direction whereas this year will be different. I will have the internet and I am sure my friends will help keep me in check this time. I really need to get my fitness back and that will have a snowball effect and help reduce any potential health risks I may be heading for.
The thing is I have seen charts that have what is called a BMI, this is a useful tool however much of the time this tool is infact inaccurate. I have seen professional athletes, with minimal body fat be classified as overweight, that is because the BMI doesn't take into consideration a few simple scientific factors. The main one being that muscle is generally denser and therefore can in fact be heavier than fat. To accurately tell if someone is overweight really some measure of the fat their body has is required.
Enough of that for now as I am losing track of where I was going... we always seem to break our promises be it to ourselves or others and I for one do not like breaking promises - those I make to my friends I don't make lightly others may flippantly say yeah I'll do that - with no intention of really following thru, then when chipped on it they usually remark back that they forgot.
If I put the words "I promise you" to anything then that is something I fully intend to follow up on, because if I break that I break my promise to a friend and that is something I hope I never do because friendship is very important to me, as are a lot of the other relationships we have in our lives. My family and friends are very important to me and they do really mean the world to me.. some naturally are more vital and valuable than others.
Friday, December 25, 2009
.... oh so relaxed
I've had a relaxing day of just lazing about in bed then having a lovely lunch and just lazing about in bed some more. I even got a couple hours sleep in too which was divine before I got a phone call to tell me that my mother was getting dinner ready and my presence was requested.
I had another meal and like normal we seem to get them dished out with a big excavator at Christmas as my mother always goes over board, I guess it wouldn't be Christmas if she didn't The food that is left over could easily do for a few more days as long as it doesn't go off. The meat was a bit much I mean how much does she think we eat? Even now 2 and a half hours after eating my stomach is still rebelling saying please don't do that again.
I have slept more in the last 2 days than I can remember doing at anytime, mind you I am so very relaxed and that helps me sleep especially when everything seems to be right in my world for a change. After all I have some of the most amazing friends and a pretty cool family but there are times that even they don't seem to be able to help me when I feel bad. Lately I've been so relaxed because I've cleared my mind of all the bad things for once, even the things that normally keep me awake at night worrying are no longer a bother at this time. There are a couple amazing people I really must thank and one of them will know who they are just by reading this, the other I will thank when I see them online next for she lives in the US and isn't always able to be contacted due to the time difference we have.
I had another meal and like normal we seem to get them dished out with a big excavator at Christmas as my mother always goes over board, I guess it wouldn't be Christmas if she didn't The food that is left over could easily do for a few more days as long as it doesn't go off. The meat was a bit much I mean how much does she think we eat? Even now 2 and a half hours after eating my stomach is still rebelling saying please don't do that again.
I have slept more in the last 2 days than I can remember doing at anytime, mind you I am so very relaxed and that helps me sleep especially when everything seems to be right in my world for a change. After all I have some of the most amazing friends and a pretty cool family but there are times that even they don't seem to be able to help me when I feel bad. Lately I've been so relaxed because I've cleared my mind of all the bad things for once, even the things that normally keep me awake at night worrying are no longer a bother at this time. There are a couple amazing people I really must thank and one of them will know who they are just by reading this, the other I will thank when I see them online next for she lives in the US and isn't always able to be contacted due to the time difference we have.
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