what a crazy week...

I had a bit of an emotional roller coaster during this week, mainly mid week but you get that when work is busy, you have so much on your mind and haven't really been sleeping properly.

Today was strange coz I slept really well and woke up at the time I'd normally get up for work, but I don't work Saturdays unless we have a big order or something that requires it. I just lay in bed for like an hour or so and found that I couldn't get back to sleep.

I was going to visit my sister but my mum came over about the time I was due to leave and told me she wasn't home so that ruined those plans for that part of the day. I had a few things planned to do and they would've taken me until lunchtime to do, since my sister wasn't home the tasks I set aside for the afternoon were done in the morning.

I then decided to try and get some rest this after noon but that was to no avail, so now I am way tired and a little bit grumpy. I guess I could be called easily irritable and the main reason would be a serious lack of sleep because so much is going on inside my head right now and I feel as though my head just wants to pop right off my shoulders.

Some things have irritated me the last week none more so than people saying they will do one thing and then not doing it, that was the breaking point today as I had made plans with my sister over the last 2 days and she said ok then wasn't home. It changed my entire days plans because to go to her house is 45 minutes and the return is the same - I had planned to do shopping and the like as well but that was cancelled too.

Instead now I will probably do my shopping etc tomorrow and lose half of that day doing other stuff as well, will lose part of the day with Cricket training but that is expected and also have a bit of administrative work to do as well. These were calculated and the loss of a couple hours today throws part of tomorrows plans out the window as well.

... the world goes on...

I am happy with my life at this time, even though I'm single and seemingly devoid of love I know that there are those out there that care about me and cherish me. The last few days for example would've been rather hellish for the old me, whereas the new me just smiles and continues to dance to the songs on the radio.

Been really enjoying the sounds of so many different artists lately, my music taste is so wide that if it was water it would be the Atlantic Ocean. I don't listen to certain things very often as I'm more a mood person and lately most of my music has been up beat or really loud. The long guitar riffs are also a favourite sound as are beefy drums.

Lately too I've been in one of my more creative moods, which doesn't help when you work hard all day long and have so many other things going on. I don't have the time to draw, barely have the time to write sometimes too. When the creative juices are flowing at times it's hard to stop them because it can be so distracting from whatever task I'm doing at the time.

Smiling is something I am doing far more often and the credit for my happiness and current state of well being can all be directed to one very special amazing wonderful gorgeous person.

... Spring cleaning

I used to have a lot more posts - they were just a bit too negative for my new direction so I decided to have a nice spring clean.

I really am enjoying the warm sunny days as they are really spectacular. I noticed the first lightning the other night & that gave me a nice happy glow too. I can wear a long sleeve shirt & be comfy, not freeze or melt when I'm working.

LOVE...

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.

A very close friend who means a lot to me wrote this in a blog recently and they attributed it to someone else who actually wrote it but I think it's a very true statement in relation to love.

Simply happiness is ok, but sharing happiness and feeling whole makes us truly happy.

Philosophically Speaking...

As someone who has been down many roads throught my lifetime I can say that I have personally been to hell and back on many occassions. Some of these have been life changing experiences that have scarred me for a lifetime however as I have walked along the road I have move past these to a new challenge.

Recently I ventured off the road and started climbing the stairway, the higher I climbed the better I felt - and as it turned out I had found the stairway to heaven. I walk it alone at this time but I'm pretty sure that someone out there is watching me climb it and wants to join in. I'm not afraid of heights so I can continue to go up - I don't want to look back because I know the demons in my past are there and are willing to drag me back into the darkness that lives along the road.

Even now I can feel and aura and presence about me that is warm and comforting and I really like the simplistic nature of it all. My thoughts continue to dance in my head and contain many things but more and more they are of the happy things in my life, the good times that brought a warm smile to my face.. these I never want to forget. Lately I've been blessed by having the ability to block out the bad things when times feel darkest and I fear that I'm at my most vulnerable.

The continued negativity and despair others radiate toward me is also deflected by this sense of inner calm. I really don't know what is happening but I feel that I'm going thru what could only be portrayed as euphoria within my mind, body and soul..... :)